Seen her 3 times
She’s just as beautiful as ever.
Now I just wanna lay in bed and cry.
My dad wants us to go to the high school football game tonight… And I really REALLY would rather not. I do miss watching the band and seeing my old band mates but….. There is one person whom I am extremely dead set against ever seeing again if can be helped. >.> ugh my stomach hurts so bad…. See my post, titled “She’s just not that into me”
So when I was 15 I met someone. Way older. Like 8 years older. And at first I was like “uhh she’s whatever”. Then I got to know her. And I thought, “wow she’s pretty awesome”. Then I thought ” aww she’s kinda cute and sweet.” This was a span of about 2 weeks. Well then I started having a little crush on her. I started to notice things. Little things like her eyes are blue. And her smile is cute. And the way she laughs. Which, alot of the time, was just a push of air out of her nose. So cute. Blonde hair. Which she told me wasn’t her natural hair color. I was surprised because it looked so natural. And beautiful. But I was around her 85% of the week. So the feelings started to grow stronger. I thought it was weird at first because she is way older…but a couple months later I decided to just embrace it. And so I became a little too attached. I started noticing EVERYTHING. The way she smells. Idk what it is but damn it’s the best smell in the Effin world. Like my friend and I would sit in the lobby and I’d be like “hang on hang on! *sniff* I smell her” and then 10 seconds later she would walk by. And wave with that stupid beautiful smile… >.> and make my tummy go adfghkklkkfj. U.U *sigh* anyway… A couple months later….She got married…and I thought I was gonna die…. And then my asshole “friend” would say shit like “just think… She’s on her honeymoon effing him right now probably” …talk about stomping on my heart. I thought “time to get over her”… Haha! Yeah right. I couldn’t shake these feelings. And everyday they just kept growing and growing. I read up on it and how to make it stop. It’s called transference and it’s extremely common. Mostly for people and their therapist. And so I thought “okay I’ll be able to move on once I graduate” so I started seeing a counselor outside of school and she told me I should be more open about my feelings and be honest about how I feel. Not to bottle things up. Soooo I ended up sorta kinda telling her… Kinda. I couldn’t get my words out but she said she understood what I was sayin and that everything would be okay… Cept it wasn’t. She was alright at first but then as time went on she started treating me like garbage and I got so pissed but I couldn’t stay mad I just kept forgiving her. It was so bad that I had people come up to me and be like “what did you do to piss her off?” I’d just smh. She wasn’t even trying to hide it. So then I finally graduated and I thought “FREEDOM” yeah Effin right. 8 years later from when i first started crushing, I STILL have these feelings. 98.8% of my nighttime dreams are me trying to get to her. like she needs help or whatever…. She could care less that I exist. If I died she would just shrug it off. She is honestly the sweetest person ever. But knowing that I had feelings for her turned her into this jerk. But only to me. Not to anyone else. I wish I would have kept my Trap shut! At least I could have still enjoyed her company. But now I refuse to even go around because she hates me…. I am TRYING to get over her. Trying my absolute best. But she still won’t leave my heart or my mind. I don’t go 1 day without thinking about her. And I honesty do wonder if she ever thinks about me. At all. Even if it’s just something minuscule like Where I sat. Or whatever…. She has a baby now… i brushed it off but it really hurt to know she was in bed with someone else….anyway…She loves shrek. She gave me a shrek pencil which I still have. She hates sudden loud noises like me. She is a post-it-note junkie. She always said “this is exciting”. She likes maroon 5. She likes cottage cheese. She puts crackers in her tomato soup. I caught a glimpse of her underwear one time. It was smiley faces xD tbh i have no right being in a relationship with anyone, because if she were to want me, I’d drop whoever it was in a heartbeat. No lie. It’s sad. I wish I could forget her. Maybe she can forget… But I just can’t….